Get used - what are you saving yourself for???

This is going to be an anti-thesis to my post about not being extra nice and not being a doormat http://angelalpa.blogspot.in/2012/06/not-so-thin-line-between-being-nice-and.html.

 

This post comes for those who have been a pushover once in their life or seen others being one and swore never to be one again and went the other extreme and refused to help anyone without any personal interest. For all those who keep count of favours and IOU's and who sulk for days when someone takes advantage of them.

 

When i meet these people - i feel like shaking them and saying = "Get used - what are you saving yourself for?"

 

Its like you are a lovely bar of yummy chocolate, and you refuse to let anyone open your cover as you don't want to be eaten up.

But hey - if a chocolate is not eaten -its going to expire one day and the purpose and life of the chocolate is destroyed!!

 

Rather let someone who's really hungry or needs some cheering up, eat us or use us, it'll leave us with so much contentment and joy..

 

We are all God's never ending stock of chocolates - we can be used/eaten a million times and we'll still have more to give.

 

So why do we try and keep ourselves safe and unused, as comfortable as possible? Why are we so scared of being opened up?? Why do we fear to get out of our comfort zone so much??

 

We cant bear to be in a room without air conditioning, we cant bear to meet or listen to people we find irritating, we avoid some people and situations so much, give them so much power over us!! We cant bear delay, injustice, inconvenience ! Our tolerance and patience levels are at an all time low in this fast fast world!!

 

I'm not saying go out and get yourself inconvenient all the time - I'm saying do it sometime at least !! :) Stretch yourself.

 

Why expect convenience all the time??

 

Have you noticed-  we never grow when we are surrounded by convenience. You'll never feel an adrenalin rush in a comfortable/convenient environment. (Unless you're doing Sudarshan Kriya) You need to be doing something out of the ordinary to feel joy/contentment/excitement.

Don't we often hear of people who've had miracles in their life and we wonder why these things don't happen to us, albeit with a tinge of jealousy??

Dinesh Ghodke (you can follow him on @DineshGhodke on twitter) one of my Art Of Living Teachers, whom i love dearly and who has been extremely instrumental in making my spiritual journey so beautiful shared in an interview yesterday.....

Dinesh Ghodke - "When we are doing things that are IN our capacity - the Divine has no reason to intervene in our lives. Its only when we take on things/responsibilities that are WAY BEYOND our capacity, the Divine will feel a need to intervene to help you."
 

So go out there - do stuff for people even if its inconvenient for you...(AND DON'T KEEP COUNT)...Do it for yourself - for your growth for your happiness. (Nature always gives you back manifold, provided you are still not keeping count in that tiny corner of your brain)

 

If you want happiness for a day Eat good Food,

If you want happiness for  a month - travel the world

If you want happiness for a year - do a job,

If you want happiness for life - Serve Others - serve society!!

 

The kind of joy that you get when you serve others is so very fulfilling. Its almost intoxicating. Once you've experienced it - you cant do without it!!

 

When I'm involved in active volunteering for the Art of Living - life becomes so magical - all my needs get taken care of before they even arise in the most unique ways possible. It ensures I constantly have a reason to smile. Its miraculous. I've experienced this for many years. Now too I see this miracles around me everyday happening with me and friends around me.

 

Its great to give nature /the divine a chance to fulfil your needs. Nature does the job of fulfilling our needs/desires a trillion times better than we ever can.

 

Guruji often tells us - "You just go and serve others - and you'll never feel lack of anything in life....i assure you that"

 

And i have experienced it to be true for the past 12 years - there is so place for lack - life just overflows with gratitude...

 

So once again - Get used - Its the best thing that can happen to you!!

 

Love

Alpa

 

Personal Change - Demystified

CHANGE - This is probably the most exploited word in the Dictionary.

Somethings about change

• Its something we all have to deal with in life more often than we'd like to.
• It also has a knack of springing up when we least expect it.
• Somehow the spontaneous response to change, usually is to resist it.
• In spite of change happening since time immemorial, we are still surprised when it happens.
• Its the only thing that makes interesting conversations. We usually ask - whats new? No one is interested in the old or whats already happened. (Even though it was "new" then).
• Whereas we do need a change or break once in a while - very soon after we take that break - the heart and mind are craving for the familiar and the routine - 2 days abroad and you are suddenly craving dal roti chawal?? or rajma chawal?? or the comfort of your bed or meals cooked by your wife/mother. No matter what exotic location you go to - you're always relieved as soon as you sit on your own sofa or sleep in your own bed and eat the good ol' home food.
•  Change is an energiser - its whats keeps all of us going. It keeps us ticking. Makes the routine more interesting and more palatable.

 

 

Yet i feel most of us have not learnt to deal with this creature called "CHANGE" effectively.. We're still foxed when change jumps out at us.

It is truly said that the only constant is CHANGE !!

 

But there are 2 types of "Change" -

1) The one that we want to do

2) The one that happens to us by circumstance

Very rarely do these 2 merge. Life oscillates between these 2.

 

We are constantly trying to change our self or change others. This is at an individual level. Take that further and some groups are trying to influence other groups, Companies are trying to change or make their employees behave a particular way, Social activists groups are trying to bring change in the section of society they are working with. The Government is trying to change the state of affairs in the country (for better or worse).

I read this interesting quote

Reason for failure of marriage - A woman marries a man thinking he will change and a man marries a woman thinking she will never change.

Everyone is trying to change someone or something and when we finally achieve that change - we feel we have progressed or succeeded.

 

Serenity prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference

 

 

If we can just get this right. The peace happiness and bliss quotient in our lives will improve dramatically.

 

As Mahatma Gandhi said - BE the change you wish to see in the world.

 

So I'm going to talk about this personal change.

 

Most of us are always on some resolution or the other. I've been on a resolution to lose weight everyday for the past 2 years (well most of my adult life actually - i did succeed in bursts but not permanently)- well nothings happened so far. I think about it every day, many times a day, i keep procrastinating (that's my middle name), and say ill start from tomorrow, or next week or next month. Believing that i will hit that magical time in my life when my son will suddenly turn more cooperative and less naughty or ill find that perfect maid with whom i can trust my son or there will suddenly be this time when there wont be any personal or professional emergencies and i will get that GOLDEN time to focus on my weight loss. Guess what  I've realised over the last 2 years - THAT AIN'T EVER GONNA HAPPEN!!

 

So I've decided as soon as i publish this post - I'm going to re-start my surya namaskars (I can almost see my hubby crossing his fingers and sending up a prayer that this time its for real :)).

 

Coming back to the point - How to be successful at personal change??

 

Whether we are trying to lose weight or quit smoking, or controlling our temper, or stop eating junk food or be a better person or whatever else that we want to be.....there is a GOLDEN KEY

 

Ok - here it comes

 

We have to change our identity to make that change happen. We have to change the tags we identify ourselves with.

 

So instead of saying - i haven't smoked in 17 days 10 hours, 24 minutes you need to believe and convince yourself that  - I AM A NON SMOKER.  You will never feel like smoking again. (or wont give in that easily). Until you hit that your efforts will always be sporadic and unsuccessful.

 

(Note to self - I believe that I'm perfectly fit and healthy, have a glowing skin, eat the right foods and exercise regularly)

 

Role of Priorities

 

A lot of people say "id love to spend more time with my spouse/kids/parents and less time at work, but THIS project is soooo huge - as soon as this is over ill make it up to them"....and then...theres another big project, another appraisal, another promotion and the cycle repeats.

 

 

 

Like my dream of having that perfect figure - this too is a vicious cycle...

If you say something is really important in your life - it should show itself in your life and routine everyday - or at least 5 times a week. Else its not really important to you - Its just something you keep saying to fool yourself and the world.

 

If you were in an air plane that was about to crash - would you keep repeating - i really want to jump out with my parachute ..i really want to jump out with my parachute - ill do it in the next 5 minutes - or would you just jump??

 

Unfortunately there are no deadlines in relationship building or losing weight or anything that is good and healthy for us (unless we've had a health scare). We need to psyche ourselves - change our conditioning to achieve and enjoy these joys in our life.

 

So I'm going to inform you about my progress in a months time on my weight loss. (No I'm not telling you my current weight - fat chance!! just going to tell you how much i lost ;))

 

If there's something you want to change about yourself - take it up with me. Lets start together. Its always easier when you have company.

 

Love

Alpa

Breaking the Phobia cycle - Fake it till you make it!!

First - apology for not writing sooner. Should have completed this post long ago.

We start from where we left off in the last post. How do we get rid of these fears and phobias for good from our lives? If you have not read the earlier post - please do so now to get a context of where this post is coming from.

Is this as easy as it sounds?? Getting rid of these phobias?

Well the answer is - YES and NO!

 

All it takes is

1) A strong will to be free from them.

Once you have made up your mind that you will get rid of them, its half the battle won.

2) Self-awareness / Spiritual Orientation

This is essential to get a bigger perspective in life

3) A Guide/Loved one

Have you noticed its easier to go to the Gym/walk/dance class is always easier when you go with someone. Same holds true for mastering fears/the mind. When you are in company of someone who understands you/your path, has gone through that path or even if they have not gone through it, is capable of objectively observing and

 

If you are blessed to have these 3 in your life its really easy. When you don't have these 3 qualities and you are not able to develop them, that's when its not so easy.

What are the ways in which we can rid ourselves of the phobia cycle

  

1) Knowledge of life and ourselves

Once Guruji (Sri Sri for all of those who still dont know) shared a really nice personal experience with us.

He was sharing about his younger days - when they used to study in a Gurukul. One night he and 3-4 other students decided to trek the jungle at night just for fun. So the sneaked out after the master had slept and decided they would be back before he woke up in the morning.

They had a good trek. However towards the end of the trek, one of the students stopped, he looked at something and froze in his place. When the others looked to see what had made him so scared, they saw something like a snake in the darkness. Whereas they were all slightly scared, even at that tender age they were spiritually awakened, so they remained calm and told him that the snake would not harm them if they did not harm the snake and hence they should return back as soon as possible to the Gurukul. But this student refused to move, so deep was his fear. He could not even run away from his object of fear. The others stayed there with him as they could not leave their friend there in the jungle alone.

It was anyway almost morning and as the night started breaking into dawn, they all saw that what had made the young boy freeze in fear all night was nothing but a rope coiled up lying there left by some previous trekkers.

 

It was a false evidence appearing real (FEAR).

Our stressed mind makes us perceive threat where there is none

That boy was fearful only in darkness. As soon as it was dawn - he realised his folly and went back home.

Then Guruji enlightened us -That we all are also fearful only in darkness, in ignorance. Once the light of knowledge dawns in us, all fears disappear, and we start to see things clearly as they really are and not as our stressed and fearful and ignorant minds perceive it.

Such a simple story and such a profound lesson.

2) Love

Fear and Love are 2 sides of the same coin. You must have surely heard that famous song from Mughle-azam - "Pyaar kiya to darna kya". Where there is Love, there can be no fear. Maybe that's why a mother knows no fear when it comes to protecting the safety or interest of her children. I know many women who otherwise were considered meek, stand up to anyone when their child's safety is concerned

Here is a video of a buffalo who beats up a lioness who attacks her calf. Would a buffalo have otherwise have had the courage to stand up to the lion? NO WAY! But her child makes her will power strong enough to face anyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZOGNpkAag8

 

3) Guess what, you are going to die….so accept it.

 

The only real fear should be regret...regret of having never really lived fully with the time you were given.

Be like the surfer pictured above, he always has to be in the PRESENT MOMENT, can he afford to keep thinking about how the wave is going to make him crash? Well if he did….he will crash 100% of the time.

We focus on our fears so much, no wonder we feel life's all messed up. Don’t fear the wave(or death),  there is nothing to fear. Focus on what you have now - the PRESENT MOMENT and life ahead of us.

And then when Death does come, we will be able to embrace it, knowing we lived a happy and fulfilled life.

 

4) Get a REAL perspective

Sometimes i feel our worries are so superficial, If you have food on the table and a roof over your head - what really is it you are complaining about? Just look at people less fortunate than you, they have so little, yet you'll see a smile of contentment on many of their faces.

Most of our worries/fears are so superficial :

• "What if I fail?” – Who cares! Do you? So what….everyone that has gone on to do anything great has failed tons of times. Get over that mentality and embrace failure…as that means you are taking action and getting closer to success.
• “What will people think of me?” - Again….who cares! Be the fool…dance and sing. If you worry about what others will think of you all day long you will never be in control of your life and that will make you more fearful. This could be with friends, at work and what the boss thinks, in relationships, etc. Do what you know you need to do, follow your own music and never care what anyone else thinks.

       Try it - Its Liberating - i"ve tried it :)

• “But I need more…..” - You don’t need anything else…you don’t need more money, you don’t need more cars, you don’t need more friends…you just need to change you mentality. You can make more money if you want to or have more cars/friends…but you don’t NEED any of it. Detach!

To conclude - Each person's reasons for developing fears/fearful attitudes are different, hence each persons journey to get out of them is unique too.

Guruji always says - on the path - "Fake it till you make it!" He says it in the context that even if you are not enlightened - just act like you are and one day you will be.

Im suggesting - Act like you are fearless and one day you will be!! :) :)

Fake it till you make it!!

Love

Alpa

FEAR

What is Fear??

The more i see life getting more convenient around us, the more I'm hearing and seeing people getting fearful. Give me a chance to elaborate this hypothesis.

Some people think fear is unavoidable - it just happens and you CANNOT do anything about it. I think fear is a LUXURY.

Can a homeless man be scared of living on the road?

Can a soldier be afraid to go to war or be scared of death?

Can a nurse /doctor be scared of seeing blood?

Can a Gardner be scared of snakes?

Can a pilot/air hostess/business leader be scared of talking of groups of people or on stage?

Can an actor/leader be scared of travelling?

Can an adventurer be scared of flying / sailing/ heights?

Can a person who has to live with 20 people in the house ever be claustrophobic?

If your aeroplane is about to crash, can you afford to be fearful of heights and not jump out with the parachute?

We are fearful only when somewhere deep down within us - WE KNOW THAT WE CAN AFFORD TO BE.

Fear is nothing but False Evidence Appearing Real

The only real fear is the fear of DEATH. When you are standing in the middle of  a railway track and a Rajdhani express is coming at you in full speed and you are NOT trying to commit suicide. What you may feel at that time is REAL FEAR. The other fears are just unreal and mostly unnecessary in life.

Some fears are good - like the fear which makes you look before you cross the road, or the fear which prevents you from putting your hand into a fire or an electric circuit.

But increasingly we seem to be developing Phobias (fears that plague your mind). These phobias make you feel like you are in prison even though you are not. It is a kind of mental bondage, which tie us down. Have you heard about that story of the man with the 3 camels in the desert? (no?)

OK - Story time :)

There is a man who has 3 camels with whom he is crossing across a desert. They walk in the day and every night he needs to tie up his camels to ensure that they don't run away.

One night he realised he had rope enough just to tie 2 camels. So he tied 2 camels and just pretended to tie the third camel. Since the camel was used to being tied everyday anyway, he did not make any attempt to move away in the night.

In the morning the man woke up and untied the 2 camels and continued his journey across the desert. After going some distance he realised that only 2 camels were following him.

He then remembered that he had not pretended to untie the 3rd camel. He retraced his steps and sure enough the 3rd camel was right where he had left him.

He then pretended to untie the 3rd camel and then all the 3 camels followed him further into the desert.

Our fears/phobias are like that "pretend knot". Its not there, but we think it is and we let it stop us from living our lives fully.

 We worry and fear about so many subtle things in life too.  

• We fear how people(boss/spouse/siblings/children/parents/in-laws/friends) will react to things we say or do or the choices we make. In fact sometimes we are also worried about what the guy next door or the lady walking on the street will think of us!!! (I've gone through this phase too - http://angelalpa.blogspot.in/2012/06/not-so-thin-line-between-being-nice-and.html worried about what others will think of me and retaning my nice tag!)
• We worry if we will have a job next year.
• We worry if our children are growing up all right
• We fear for the safety of our children
• We worry about promotions/appraisals/assignments
• We worry there will be too much traffic
• We worry if the domestic help/driver will come today (There is NO solution for this one :) )
• We fear we are not as good enough as we think we are or show we are

These are just a few examples of the subtle worries/fears that plague us through our day. They stop our smile from being radiant. Radiant enough to light up the room. Are the fears/phobias really worth our time in this invaluable life that we have received?

Are we happy living like this? Wouldn't we like to break these barriers and live a more free and full life??

So how do we get rid of these fears/phobias??

Watch for the next post :)

Till then let me know if you have also experienced this 'fearful phenomenon' around you.

Lots of Love

Alpa

Happy Guru Poornima

This post is dedicated to my super cool Guru on the occasion of Guru Poornima 2012. 

 

Millions around the world today are eternally grateful to this just ONE soul for transforming their lives from the ordinary to the Extraordinary.He does his job so well, with such panache and grace.

In the earlier days people who did not have a Guru were called "Anaath", orphan. That was the importance given to Guru in life.

I am so grateful that i was born at a time when he is walking on the planet and that he decided to come into my life. His presence in my life is a warm cocoon, where i can retreat into anytime and know there is just pure bliss and unconditional love and all the unpleasantness in the world is not true. His presence in my life has helped me sail through major and minor storms with relative ease.

Words actually fail to describe even 10% of a Guru-Devotee relationship. If you have tasted devotion in your life then you know the treasure you have found- else - you're missing the MOST beautiful thing on the planet!! (Believe you me!)

Pranams at the Lotus Feet of my Master!!



Playing Golf



Just him



the beautiful ashram at Bangalore



humouring some devotees

reads the paper for 20 minutes every morning

playing the guitar



The not so thin line between being nice and being a pushover

When you are being kind to someone or nice to someone, are you doing it for them or for yourself??

Take a minute and think about this.

I used to think (sometimes still think) i am a very "NICE" girl. It was (and sometimes still is) part of my identity for many years of my life so far, that's who i was. Always got along with everyone, called everyone proactively, be it aunts, friends, cousins, remembered everyone's birthdays, was always there whenever anything needed to be done, didn't hold grudges, didn't feel bad about others actions, always gave way too much benefit of doubt, forgave and forgot super quickly (still do). My siblings had to bear the brunt of my "niceness" as they were being constantly compared to me!!

And all this i did without expecting anything in return. (except of course sub-consciously i expected people to like me and think of me as a good girl). And i did get the desired results - i was always known as the "good girl", elders in my house (we were a joint family 7 adults and 5 children stayed in our ancestral bungalow and we always had some guests dining or staying with us) used to give my example to all other children and i felt loved and cherished and really happy in that space. I met similar friends and as i got very active in the Art of Living, i met similar people, so i was in a good place.

 

With all this i must add at this point i wasn't very tactful or skillful and couldn't see things as they were, i had a very rosy view of the world, but hey, with so much niceness and goodness who needed tact?? !! ;)

(Nice actions + Good Intention ) * Environment 1 = Desired results = Happy me

Then later in life, as i moved out from the protective environment of my home, moved to another city, started working, got married, i realised that the same approach didn't give the same results. People didn't really automatically appreciate who i was and the 'niceness' i thought i was spreading. They had not grown up with me. They did not know my established reputation. Didn't care about me unconditionally, and hey i'd grown up. How long did i expect nature to keep these people hidden from me and not let them cross my path?? This kind of phenomenon is probably part of growing up for most people in some way or form. So all in all i was in such a soup.

(Nice action + Good Intention) * Environment 2 = Bad results = Me not happy

I had become a victim of my Environment. I had let the environment affect me and make me feel that i was not good enough.

Albert Einsteins' quote says it best - "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

So me, the lovely fish, swimming the seven seas was expected to climb trees and hey i was even being judged on it!!

My self-confidence and self - worth went for a toss. Slowly i realised the "happy, loving caring, understanding, spreading joy and enthusiasm person" went into hiding - and was replaced by someone who was not me. I had become very defensive, and was not a beacon for people to look upto anymore.  

My point is - i went through the tough time only because MY need to maintain the "nice" tag was so high that i forgot to be SMART!!! I compromised on my self-esteem, my self-respect, and my support system in many ways, in order to be liked and accepted by my new and changing environment. I was scared to upset the proverbial apple cart!!

I started believing it was my job to climb trees - and started feeling inadequate as i couldnt do it so well. I also allowed other monkeys to make me feel inadequate! I forgot i was a fish and swimming is what i do best ! (elaborating on Einsteins Quote!) :)

Perhaps i had to learn tact and skill, which i sorely lacked. As the only way to learn swimming is to jump in the pool. Nature probably wanted me to apply and implement all the life knowledge i had heard from Sri Sri - so it decided to give me an environment to learn it and test it. :)

What i learnt is - Be nice if you must - Dont be a pushover!

If you throw your pearls at a pig, you cant blame the pig for not valuing them. Its your fault for not valuing your pearls enough.

Know your strengths and live by your own benchmarks.

Dont let anyone tell you - "YOU CANT DO IT" or that ITS BEYOND YOUR CAPACITY!

Dont settle for unhappiness and dont live somebody else's life...

Its your life - make it count!!

All miracles happen beyond your comfort zone!!!!

I have now moved out of my "NICE" comfort zone!! :)

When are you moving out of yours??

    

Love,

Alpa

Courage Confidence & the Civic

Today's post is inspired by the car i drive - The Honda Civic.

Thats D behind the wheel

One day I was dropping off D to school and I wasn't quite enjoying the drive as I usually do. Even though I'm not one of those drivers who knows my car inside out, I did realise that the air pressure in the tyres was low and that's why i was feeling a very rough and rugged drive. On my way back i got the tyre pressure adjusted at a petrol pump and i enjoyed the drive back as usual.

It was a very simple incident - but yet it opened my eyes to something quite profound!!

We are like cars in a way.

We have a body that has many complex parts/organs that need to work together harmoniously in sync for us to work properly
We need fuel to run a car much in the same way we need breath to run our body
We drive along in our cars the same way we go through life

We may have the best looking car whether its Aston Martin, BMW or Mercedes and the best car accessories to flaunt,   but if we don't have enough air pressure in the tyres, we will not enjoy the drive.

I realised that Courage and Confidence play the role of tyre pressure in our lives.

We may have the best looking body and the best home, locality, job, car, clothes, jewellery, best vacations or the most happening social network to flaunt, but if we don't have the courage and confidence to face life and its challenges - we will not enjoy our lives

Courage to face life and all the challenges that it may throw at you
Courage to make and maintain friendships
Courage to be who you are - accepting your fears and insecurities
Courage to Love fully and laugh loudly
Courage to go the extra mile for others
Confidence that you will be able to get over whatever comes your way
Confidence that you have all that it takes
Confidence that you are special and you are loved
Confidence that you are blessed and taken care of

If you don't have all this, irrespective of how attractive our life may seem from the outside, we will not really enjoy it. We wont have THAT unparallelled joy of authenticity.

I'm a keen observer of my life as well as the life of others -

1) I see so many people who seem to have everything that money can buy - but are still running around from pillar to post like they're missing something very important - searching for the PEACE to enjoy the wealth and lifestyle but don't find it.

3)There are still some who don't seem to have much material comforts but do go through life with a contented smile on their face and a quiet energy that's infectious. And somehow they find that when they need something, the universe always provides for it and makes it available for them.

Its a short life - and "The Secret" says that whatever we focus on grows - we cant possibly focus on everything, we need to prioritise...

Think about it - What would you like to focus on ???

Im not saying one shouldnt have a great car - Im saying dont take the tyres lightly - they make a huge difference to the drive, irrespective of the make of the car!!

Mid-Life awakening for women

Sharing an article which i liked. Im in my 30's but i already identify with it.

Mid-life awakening for women

Vinita Dawra Nangia
29 April 2012, 09:00 AM IST

The mid-life crisis is no longer bad news for women. It’s an opportunity for new opportunities

Are you a woman in your 40s struck by strange restlessness, angst, and a feeling of something missing? Wonderful! You have hit the mid-life crisis, which today is nothing short of an opportunity to reinvent your life and live the way you wish to.
Kids flew the nest? Marital problems? Bored with your job? Lonely? Or, just irritated with the sameness of everything? You could be facing questions in your personal or professional life, or accosted by existential queries — do not just go with the flow. Get a grip on life and lead it where you want it.

I recently attended a Life Alignment group healing session with healer Jeff Levin in Delhi. Whether or not I managed to align my life through his revolutionary healing system is a moot point, but the day did turn into an interesting session that included therapy, some confessions, non-religious chanting and vibrational healing.

This group had almost all women in their middle years. The themes that emerged were: being taken for granted, forced to conform to social conditioning, arrested dreams, and unfulfilled aspirations. As Jeff encouraged each woman to speak, what reveal;ed itself was a group of women, who have purportedly lived a wonderful existence, undisturbed by major upheavals. They all considered themselves a happy, blessed lot with caring families — and yet there was a feeling of something vital missing.

Most of them had led protected lives, conforming to societal expectations. As one woman put it revealingly, “I went to college, got married, had children….and my husband has never restricted me. Yet, I always wanted to be an architect, and now I think it is too late.”

This panicky feeling of having done one’s duty to others, but not enough for oneself is a repeated motif in the lives of women of a certain age in India. As the years move on inexorably, women start feeling deprived. They have lived as daughters, wives, mothers and friends, but not really as themselves. What is it that you really want for yourself? What is the true purpose of Your life?

A tough question for women, especially Indian women, who grew up before the media explosion that brought in Hannah Montana and Lady Gaga into our living rooms. Few of us were lucky to have enlightened parents, who taught us to think for ourselves. For the rest, submission was the norm; rebellion, very rare.

Thankfully, today when mid-life crisis strikes, there are still a good many quality years left. Good education and independent incomes have ensured that women at this stage can still bring in powerful changes that give a new wonderful twist to their lives.

As natural creators and lifelong multi-taskers, women are far better equipped than men at reinventing their lives. But deep emotional attachments make it tougher for them to move on. Reaching for what you want involves a trade-off and so we tend to stick to our comfort zones.

However, so long as you are clear what you want, it is never too late to salvage a dream — so what if we can live out just certain aspects of it? And so, if not an architect, what stops you from creating beautiful spaces around yourself ? If you wished to be a doctor and couldn't, what stops you from healing now?

After all, what’s in a name?