Tamasha revisited : why bow to people who make you feel more you?

Yesterday I was re-watching 'Tamasha'. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a Hindi Movie directed by Imtiaz Ali, starring Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone. Its about a man’s journey to find his true calling.

It’s amazing, every time I watch it, I get some new insights. I wrote a blog the first time I saw it too. You can find the link here.

I was watching the last scene again, where Ved (Ranbir Kapoor) bows, not just bows does a shashtang dandwat pranaam to Tara (Deepika) from the stage, where he is taking the final bow post his play.’

You can watch that short scene here

My first reaction was – “this is a bit much!” Yes I mean it’s great she helped him find himself, but to bow on stage in front of a packed audience?

And suddenly I was hit by how I feel towards people in my life who have helped me know myself better, or be myself in their presence or helped me reconnect to myself. Those times and moments are nothing less than magical and I feel a deep sense of gratitude, even worship for these people in my life. Even if they don’t feel the same towards me all the time, I always feel immense reverence when I hear their name or think of them.

I do think it is the HIGHEST service to help someone reconnect to themselves.

It is most beautiful if you have someone like this in your life all the time. Even if they are not there all the time and you may not be in touch with them, the memory of those times are precious. They remind you of who you are and what you are capable of when you are surrounded by clouds of self-doubt. These moments in your life, serve as a lighthouse giving you a goal to move towards when you are lost at sea or disheartened.

My father and my grandmother were 2 people who loved and supported me uncondiotionally without expectations through my childhood. My dad remains my number 1 cheerleader and supporter to this day. I am so so so grateful for his love.

I was fortunate to have met my Guru at the age of 21. Like he was just waiting for me to turn 21. :) He has been my anchor throughout my life and in between lifetimes as well. Even if I don’t meet him as often as I would like, or don’t attend as many santsangs as I like or do as much seva, his teachings and his presence have constantly helped me keep connected with who I am and what is really important in life.

Since I was a little girl, I haven’t been materialistically inclined. I’ve learned to invite and enjoy abundance in my life though. I’ve always loved mind blowing experiences, deep meaningful relationships, nature, travel, learning and helping others. 

That is the role a Guru plays in our life.

• He / she shows us the mirror to ourselves
• Helps us discover who we are and what we are capable of 
• Accepts and loves us unconditionally 
• Helps us reconnect with our divine nature 

My husband has played that role too, though in a different way. He saw my shadow, i.e. those parts of me that I was trying to hide and reject about myself. He must have seen through the 'nice girl' façade I had on and challenged the real me to surface. I hated accepting my shadow, I had such a beautiful veil of goodness and niceness. I realised after many years of inner work what I had was people-pleasing, approval seeking and lack of self-worth. I learnt to be more myself and own who I am, in a powerful way. All because he didn’t give me the approval I sought from him. I blamed him, played the victim, tried every trick I knew and blamed everyone possible for what I had created in my life. When I ran out of people and excuses, I was forced to look inwards and face all the gory parts I had kept hidden. Heal them, love them, reclaim them and be more of me. I am not done yet, but I have come a long way. And now I have a more genuine relationship with myself as well as with him. p.s. This is a tough journey and a lot of couples usually get stuck at the blaming part and either go separate ways till they find someone new to blame/project it on or live unhappy lives.

Another person is Peter Reding, my first coaching mentor, his presence reconnected me to who I was after a prolonged tough phase in my life. It was so amazing to see a presence like a guru, in the form of a trainer. He changed my life in those 4 days I spent with him in September 2016. He broke the walls of illusion I had built around myself and stood by as I dug for gold from the rubble! Wow what an experience. I always feel immense gratitude when I hear his name mentioned anywhere.

Probably that’s why in Indian Culture, whenever you mention your Guru’s name you always touch your ear, or the back of your head as a mark of utmost respect.

These people in your life, who connect you to yourself through their words, actions or presence are sacred. 

There have been a few beautiful friends too in my life who have seen my soul and helped me be more myself and loved me unconditionally through thick and thin. Am so grateful to them.

I’ve always believed we make things and people sacred by treating them such. Treat a human body with sacredness and see the magic it unfolds for you. Treat it like a body and it will do what a body does. Sex can be an act or it can be a beautiful union. It can be dirty or it can be divine. The difference is only how you treat it. Same applies to people in our lives. 

We don’t just love others, we love how they make us feel.

I am powerless against anyone who sees my soul. (I think anyone is). At the same time it makes me feel immensely powerful. That is why that immense gratitude.

Do let me know if this resonates with you.

Love always,

Alpa

Facebook group - www.radiantwomenrise.com

Why I didn't tell people I had started coaching

When I started my coaching business, 2 years ago, for a long time I resisted telling people I had started coaching. I wanted to be fully confident in my expertise, I wanted my website to be up, my cards to be printed, my business copy and emails all drafted before I told people i had a business. I wasted so much time doing that. And today im going to be vulnerable and share what was really stopping me...

I was scared of what people would think, what my corporate connections would think of me if I started my own business without all the trappings in place, after a great stint at Godrej and 7 years maternity leave later with intermittent projects. I was scared i would be judged and it would be perceived as a step down from the High that i left my corporate role at. I know now that those were all my insecurities playing out. I was so scared of being judged, it clouded my ability to see things as they really were.

Luckily I didnt let that stop me from making a small noise about it. Thanks to some goodwill and authentic connections i had made, I had people reaching out to me, those who knew me and trusted me, probably a little more than i trusted myself then.

And as I started coaching more people i realised I had grown exponentially over the years in my knowledge, in my emotional quotient, in my leadership quotient. I was able to help my clients, many who used to be senior to me, with ease and expertise, in the flow, without any hiccups. 

Then I realised growth doesnt occur only in a full- time corproate role. Growth doesnt only mean a promotion. Was so conditioned to think like that!

In fact stepping out from a particular role opens up our world to innumerable possibilities. Without wearing the title of 'a particular role', you open yourself up to vast learning, i.e. if you are a learner. Ask any entrepreneur who has left a corporate job, when their learning curve has been highest ? :) :) 

Even being a coach, I ensure I always invest in a coach for me, as I cant see my own blind spots as clearly as I can see my clients' blocks. Have to keep the growth momentum!

#raw #ignitethespark #leadershipcoach #growth #gendergap #growthmindset

Do you like the beach view or the deep sea dive?

You know i see this hesitation to go deep into something these days. Its like everyone is living at a superficial level. I see people asking for advice from anyone who shows signs of having been where you have been, hoping they will give you a sign enough to help you make a sporadic/ random decision. But you are not willing to apply yourself, understand yourself, what that decision means to you?
Its like you've become numb to the outcomes of your decisions because you have gotten used to living in that rut and confusion you've got yourself into. Like you dont trust yourself to make the right decision anymore....because??...see where that got you!!
I want to tell you :
You made bad decisions in the past because you lost touch with your inner voice and compromised on your truth, you went on the comfortable and easy path. That led you to this sucky place!
Had you followed your intuition and faced the minor conflicts earlier on or had the courage to walk alone for a little while you would have been led to that inspired and beautiful life which was waiting for you.
Its not that there wouldnt be problems, there would have been and will be, but you will view them as challenges and growth catalysts rather than complaining about it!

I've been there too - lost touch with myself, got into a sucky place - but no matter what anyone tells you - THERE IS NO SHORTCUT -

Any path that leads you back to yourself - will go through all those roadways you avoided eariler. You will have to face all those challenges anyway - and deep SELF AWARENESS is the starting point on the path back to the REAL YOU!

You have to do the deep work!! Face all your demons! Be willing to be vulnerable and authentic! Let go of that job, career, relationships that are lulling you into being comfortable! Go towards that job, career or relationship that you know you have always wanted to go towards! Even if that seems very scary!!

ARE YOU WILLING TO GO DEEP?

Either you enjoy the view on the beach or be ready to deep dive and find your treasure...alone....OR with a COACH!!

It's my Birthday ! I stopped cheating finally!

So today is my birthday and i turn 16 for the 21st time :) 

I couldn't sleep last night out of sheer excitement. Thats not happened to me in 5-7 years, specially after the kids. But yesterday!! Oh man! I was abuzz with excitement (Even though i was recovering from a bad flu and tired). 

Then I thought a level deeper, to understand why ..as i usually do :) - I realised I was not excited about my birthday, because i did not know or like who I had become the last few years, that woman was a stranger to me, (I've written about not recognising the woman in the mirror in this post), and who gets excited for a strangers birthday right???

This year too, I've been soaked in love and warmth with calls and messages from friends and well-wishers in my life, phone ringing constantly, warm messages pouring in. It's so beautiful to be able to receive and bask in the love once more. When I didnt like who I had become, I remember being in a rush to hang up on calls lest they too realise, that I am not person they knew. 

I felt like i was a fraud. 

I WAS !! 

I was cheating on myself to please others !!

This birthday was a new "Hello!" from my Authentic self to me! :) I am thrilled to be back in a relationship with myself and fiercely loyal too!

Lesson learnt - 

❤  I can have better relationships with others ONLY when I am loyal to myself. 

❤  You should be wary of people who are naked and offer you a shirt. 

❤  Same way - be wary of people who are unable to help themselves and offer to help you. 

❤  Be wary of people who say I love you, but dont love themselves! You cannot give what you dont have!

❤  Never lose connect with yourself to connect better with anyone else!! EVER!!

The lesson of self-love and acceptance is a tough one and may seem harsh from the outside but its not. Its the most compassionate thing you can do for yourself as well as for all the others play-acting in your life story!

If this resonated with you, please do write to me at alpa@ignitethespark.in or comment below. I would LOVE to hear from you. 

Loads of Love,

Alpa

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The Big Shift - Gross to Subtle

Have you observed how our society has slowly moved from giving importance on Gross to focusing on the Subtle. Our awareness has moved from the Gross to the Subtle. Many patterns have evolved. A very brief, but big-picture snapshot for you: 

Societal Challenges pattern (You can click on the pictures to zoom)

Society Evolution

As people change, People management changes too. There have been many other shifts, in Production, Marketing, Finance, Sales etc. but i will save those for a white paper on the subject and will share the evolution of HR initiatives in companies, for the purpose of this blog. 

                        

v  If you observe, you will see that both these patterns show progress from the gross to the subtle. 

v  We have gone from working hard to make ends meet & dealing with physical challenges to dealing with mental anxiety and depression, in spite of having all the physical comforts and luxuries possible.

v  Physical life expectancy has gone up but mental health is suffering worldwide!

Drilling it down a little, how does this mind pattern play out in a corporate career?

              

Naturally every executive’s personal growth graph will not correspond with their career graph! Whereas most individuals start off together, over 12-15 years, there are far too many variables that play out and hence we see that not all individuals will get leadership roles. I have seen many executives who do manage to get the leadership roles, very often also feel at sea, not knowing what to do!

Companies usually have targeted competency based training programs at each of these levels and usually have supportive initiatives to help employees cope with big career leaps. I've personally designed and rolled out many of these initiatives. They do work to an extent, and are enough to give Hr professionals the satisfaction of putting in best efforts but miss the mark in terms of powerful impact. 

It’s difficult to reach all employees with these initiatives. Usually the ones identified as high potential will benefit from this support. As the programs and initiatives are usually designed around pre-determined competencies, that the company believes its employees should have, they don’t usually consider the individual’s strengths, but try to force-fit executives into the company leadership mould.

I like to use this formula:

Potential – Interference(mental) = Performance

If you reduce interference to close to Zero – Performance will be at full potential. But this formula is unique to each person. Individuals have different potential, different motivators and different (Interference) limiting beliefs and patterns. It is also your brains job to keep you safe it will not let you go into unexplored areas of the mind. 

This is where Coaching is very effective. It helps each individual discover their own potential, help them identify what exactly is their unique interference (Beliefs/habits/patterns) and helps them achieve higher performance. Someone who has scaled up the mountain can guide you up that peak!

Any company or executive who is serious about enhancing performance and wants a positive transformation in their life or organisation, should definitely invest in coaching!!

In today’s times, you should not invest in getting information, but you should definitely invest handsomely for transformation!!

Because….Its worth it!

|| Alpa Teli ||

Leadership & Life Coach

Website - www.ignitethespark.in

Email - alpa@ignitethespark.in

Facebook - /Ignitethespark

Instagram - alpaignitespark

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Baarish - Another inspired poetry

यह बारिश और मेरी ख्वाइशों का  कैसा है ये रिश्ता पुराना
मेरी रूह की खामोशियों में खोए हुए अरमान जगाना

वह गरजते  बादल, वो बारिश का पानी
गीली मिटटी की खुशबू, बनाए मुझे अपनी दीवानी

मुस्कराहट होठों पर कस कर बैठ जाती है
जब  खिड़की के बाहर राग मलहार की आवाज़ आती है

दिल में एक कशिश सी उठती  है, मन करता है कही पहाड़ियों में खो जाऊ,
पर चारो और मन की बनाई हुई दीवारें पाऊ

कड़कती बिजली देख कर मेरे अंदर का कवी जाग जाता है
इतना सारा काम लिपटाना है, यह अचानक से याद आता है

बारिश को देख, मन छोटा बच्चा बन जाता है
सारे सपने मुमकिन, और जहाँ सुन्दर नज़र आने लगता है

सब चीज़ो पर लगी पुरानी धूल मिट जाती है
बारिश दुनिया को फिर से नया बनाती है

पर हम हर साल क्यों करते है बारिश के मौसम का इंतज़ार ?
भीगने  के लिए और भी तो बारिश है मेरे यार

 प्यार की बारिश
दोस्ती की बारिश
खुशियों की बारिश
मौज - मस्ती की बारिश
कृपा की बारिश
ज्ञान की बारिश
हमदर्दी की बारिश
इंसानियत की बारिश

हम इन बारिशो में अगर भीगना सीख ले

तो दुनिया हर पल ही नयी बन जायेगी
खुशिया हर दिन दरवाज़ा खटखटाएगी
होठों पर हर दिन मुस्कराहट मंढ़राएगी
हमारी  ज़िन्दगी पल भर में सवर जाऐगी

- Alpa
28-06-2017
www.ignitethespark.in
For those who have forgotten to read hindi or dont know how to read...(I also find it a little tough to read too much)

Here is the poem written in English, can be understood in HIndi.

Yeh baarish aur mere khwaishon ka kaisa hai rishta purana
Meri rooh ki khamoshiyon mein khoye hue armaan jagaana

Vah garajte baadal, vo baarish ka paani
Geeli mitti ki khushbu, banaaye mujhe apni deewani

Muskurahat hoothon par kas kar bas jaati hai
Jab khidki ke bahaar raag malhar ki awaaz aati hai

Dil mein ek kashish si uthti hai, Mann karta hai kahi pahadiyon mein kho jaaoo
Par chaaron aur mann ki banaaee hui deewarein paaoo

Kadakti bijli dekh, mere andar ka kavi jaag jaata hai
Kitna saara kaam liptaana hai, yeh achanak se yaad aata hai

Baarish ko dekh, man chota baccha ban jaata hai
Saare sapne mumkin aur jahan sundar nazar aane lagta hai

Sab cheeso par lagi purani dhhool mit jaati hai
Baarish duniya ko phir se nayaa banaati hai

Par hum har saal kyou karte hai baarish ke mausam  ka intezaar
Bheegne ke liye aur bhi to baarish hai mere yaar

Pyaar ki baarish
Dosti ki baarish
Khushiyon ki baarish
Mauj-Masti ki baarish
Krupa ki baarish
Gyaan ki baarish
Humdardi ki baarish
Insaniyat ki baarish

Hum in baarishon mein agar bheegna seekh le to

Duniya har pal hi nayee ban jaayegi
Khushiya har din darwaaza khat-khataegi
Hothon par har din muskurahat mandhraegi
Hamari zindagi pal bhar mein savar jaayegi

- Alpa

Habits and Behaviours I changed to Transform my life!

The last blog I wrote about my treasure box - the books/talks and workshops that were influential in my personal growth. It was the highest viewed post of all time. Thank you :) 

If you haven't read it you can read it here

As i mentioned in the last blog, in this post I am going to tell you about the physical & emotional habits and behaviours I changed in order to change my story and state. Some are generic, some are personality dependent. Its good to take stock once in a while and reflect on these. 

I had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out for the uninitiated). I wanted to do everything and be everywhere. I wanted to be a great mom, wife, daughter, daughter in law, socialise extensively, meet friends, spend time with my parents, travel, go to the gym, please everyone, sleep 8 hours, meditate and have a thriving career, all in 24 hours.

One thing that really helped me, I must credit my husband for this one – is FOCUS. (He has laser sharp focus and I have seen the results in his work). He is the one who made me realise that nothing great is achieved without prioritisation. I CHOSE to become the best version of myself and live a life that resonates with my calling. The rest was easy.

What I stopped doing

§  I started saying No to unnecessary social meets where I felt conversation would be superficial or negative.

§  Stopped watching TV almost entirely, at the most 1-2 hours a week, mostly on the weekend. I sure didn't waste a single minute watching Arnab or his friends. Just couldnt!! 

§  Deleted Facebook and Instagram and all games from my phone.

§  Gave up the DESIRE to attend every interesting event happening in town. Anyway we were not able to go to many of these, because you cant really enjoy them with the kids, but the desire to go used to trouble me. After I refocused my energies, that desire stopped troubling me. I loved the feeling of using that time working and creating the life I want for myself.

§  I planned my day my way – I realised I was being available for people as per their schedule. I took a hard look at the way I spent my time. I planned ahead and made my schedule accounting for my needs & family needs. I started keeping daily/weekly/monthly calendars. Again this was feedback from hubby – that I wasn’t organised enough– It wasn’t easy to hear or accept – but it was true – Paid heed to it – and it made me a lot more effective. I was usually on top of things and hence was happier too. I was used to being organised at work, but at home I had neglected doing that. Anish, knowing my dislike for domestic tasks, suggested  - “Put systems in place at home – run the house like you would run your company – delegate your tasks – have your checklists. You will have far more time to spare.” I do thank him now. (Many people are inherently very organised – I wasn’t one of those – so it was a big and necessary change for me)

§  I completely stopped participating in any negative talk and unnecessary arguments with anyone. I just politely left the conversation. 

What I started / continued doing

§  Going to the gym  

§  Eating healthy and nutritious food

§  Made a vision board – focusing on what I want (vis a vis what I don’t want)

§  Meditating, Chanting & Sudarshan Kriya (breathing exercise taught in the Art of Living courses)

§  Girls Nights with my sisters -  these nights are awesome and therapeutic ..always mandatory - but they happen once a quarter !! :)

§  Changed the kids routine to ensure they were in bed by 9.30 pm so I got a couple of hours after they slept

§  Reading Reading Reading

§  Watching great learning videos.

§  I started doing things I enjoyed doing, (which I was putting off for god knows when) - dancing, keyboard, learning sanskrit, some art and craft stuff etc. Was so fulfilling and so much fun!

Emotional habits I changed

§  Stopped(well almost) justifying myself & my actions to people

§  Stopped overuse/abuse of the word "Sorry". 

§  Took complete responsibility for my life – stopped blaming anyone/anything

§  Forgave all those who were occupying unfavourable space in my mind. This i did for my own peace of mind. A resentful mind never takes you far ahead. Your mind may need repeated reminders. Thats ok! :)

§  Started saying yes to things that set my soul on fire

§  Putting myself first – this meant loving and caring for myself the way I did for others

§  Raised my standards of how i want to be treated. And educated people around me on the revised standards. 

§  Put self-care first – you can't pour from an empty cup!

§  Practised gratitude

§  Placed high value on my peace of mind and my time. 

All these got me enough momentum to get to tipping point. 

Hope they serve as good introspection for you too. You can take stock of the behaviours that are serving you and those that are stopping you from crushing it in life!!

Loads of love

Alpa