Tuesday, 26 June 2018

Tamasha revisited : why bow to people who make you feel more you?


Yesterday I was re-watching 'Tamasha'. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a Hindi Movie directed by Imtiaz Ali, starring Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone. Its about a man’s journey to find his true calling.

It’s amazing, every time I watch it, I get some new insights. I wrote a blog the first time I saw it too. You can find the link here.

I was watching the last scene again, where Ved (Ranbir Kapoor) bows, not just bows does a shashtang dandwat pranaam to Tara (Deepika) from the stage, where he is taking the final bow post his play.’

You can watch that short scene here


My first reaction was – “this is a bit much!” Yes I mean it’s great she helped him find himself, but to bow on stage in front of a packed audience?

And suddenly I was hit by how I feel towards people in my life who have helped me know myself better, or be myself in their presence or helped me reconnect to myself. Those times and moments are nothing less than magical and I feel a deep sense of gratitude, even worship for these people in my life. Even if they don’t feel the same towards me all the time, I always feel immense reverence when I hear their name or think of them.

I do think it is the HIGHEST service to help someone reconnect to themselves.

It is most beautiful if you have someone like this in your life all the time. Even if they are not there all the time and you may not be in touch with them, the memory of those times are precious. They remind you of who you are and what you are capable of when you are surrounded by clouds of self-doubt. These moments in your life, serve as a lighthouse giving you a goal to move towards when you are lost at sea or disheartened.

My father and my grandmother were 2 people who loved and supported me uncondiotionally without expectations through my childhood. My dad remains my number 1 cheerleader and supporter to this day. I am so so so grateful for his love.

I was fortunate to have met my Guru at the age of 21. Like he was just waiting for me to turn 21. :) He has been my anchor throughout my life and in between lifetimes as well. Even if I don’t meet him as often as I would like, or don’t attend as many santsangs as I like or do as much seva, his teachings and his presence have constantly helped me keep connected with who I am and what is really important in life.



Since I was a little girl, I haven’t been materialistically inclined. I’ve learned to invite and enjoy abundance in my life though. I’ve always loved mind blowing experiences, deep meaningful relationships, nature, travel, learning and helping others. 
That is the role a Guru plays in our life.


  • He / she shows us the mirror to ourselves
  • Helps us discover who we are and what we are capable of 
  • Accepts and loves us unconditionally 
  • Helps us reconnect with our divine nature 


My husband has played that role too, though in a different way. He saw my shadow, i.e. those parts of me that I was trying to hide and reject about myself. He must have seen through the 'nice girl' façade I had on and challenged the real me to surface. I hated accepting my shadow, I had such a beautiful veil of goodness and niceness. I realised after many years of inner work what I had was people-pleasing, approval seeking and lack of self-worth. I learnt to be more myself and own who I am, in a powerful way. All because he didn’t give me the approval I sought from him. I blamed him, played the victim, tried every trick I knew and blamed everyone possible for what I had created in my life. When I ran out of people and excuses, I was forced to look inwards and face all the gory parts I had kept hidden. Heal them, love them, reclaim them and be more of me. I am not done yet, but I have come a long way. And now I have a more genuine relationship with myself as well as with him. p.s. This is a tough journey and a lot of couples usually get stuck at the blaming part and either go separate ways till they find someone new to blame/project it on or live unhappy lives.

Another person is Peter Reding, my first coaching mentor, his presence reconnected me to who I was after a prolonged tough phase in my life. It was so amazing to see a presence like a guru, in the form of a trainer. He changed my life in those 4 days I spent with him in September 2016. He broke the walls of illusion I had built around myself and stood by as I dug for gold from the rubble! Wow what an experience. I always feel immense gratitude when I hear his name mentioned anywhere.

Probably that’s why in Indian Culture, whenever you mention your Guru’s name you always touch your ear, or the back of your head as a mark of utmost respect.

These people in your life, who connect you to yourself through their words, actions or presence are sacred. 

There have been a few beautiful friends too in my life who have seen my soul and helped me be more myself and loved me unconditionally through thick and thin. Am so grateful to them.

I’ve always believed we make things and people sacred by treating them such. Treat a human body with sacredness and see the magic it unfolds for you. Treat it like a body and it will do what a body does. Sex can be an act or it can be a beautiful union. It can be dirty or it can be divine. The difference is only how you treat it. Same applies to people in our lives. 

We don’t just love others, we love how they make us feel.

I am powerless against anyone who sees my soul. (I think anyone is). At the same time it makes me feel immensely powerful. That is why that immense gratitude.

Do let me know if this resonates with you.

Love always,
Alpa

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