Lessons I learnt from D (my 2 yr old son)

Sri Sri says there are 2 easy ways to be happy

1) Become Mad

2) Become like a child

Becoming mad voluntarily is not very inviting, but becoming like a child is possible and in our control.

All of us do have a fair idea of what children are like, what are the qualities that they have that are so endearing, so sweet, so refreshing, BUT you don't really get the full impact of that sentence until you've lived with a child 24*7*365.

I had spent a lot of time with other people's children before i had my son, but those couple of hours/days spent together don't tell you as much as living with a child full-time.  

Today's post is going to be about the lessons i learnt from D (my son). I told you in my first post that i was going to only mention D when i was sharing something i learnt from him.  Here are some of the lessons that i learnt. They may appear simple on reading, but implementing these simple lessons can take a lifetime. :)



D at 6 months

 1) Service - Seva

The first year for the mother is just service - You cant think about yourself one bit. You do everything for your child without expecting anything in return. If you are a hands-on mom like i am, and give your best to every situation (like i shared in my last post) this is a really tough job.

When i think back at this time - i just remember nursing, and nursing some more, cleaning pee & poop, changing clothes, putting D to sleep, cooking baby food for D (After 6 months). All this took up all my time. In the remaining time i had my home to manage as well. I thought my job at Godrej (Corporate HR) was taxing, i realised managing the home full - time, with a kid(like mine) is tougher and has none of the elegance, glamour or monetary reward attached either.

I didn't get much time for myself. Just as i would think i had some free time, D would suddenly wake up, or someone would call, or i would have to return some of the "oh so many" calls, that i didn't even look at, let alone answer, cos i was doing something with Darsh - nursing, cleaning, bathing, something!!!!

It was a really hectic time, and whereas i could have made decisions of :

• Investing in a nanny for the baby or 
• Bottlefeeding instead of nursing - so anybody could do it and it would free up that much more of my time,  

I wouldn't have taken those decisions, even if i could take them again  -

The bond which i have developed with my son, the joy i have experienced, the struggle i went through being hands-on mom and doing everything in the sometimes more-or-less old fashioned and sometimes modern way, (depending on what i thought was good for D) even the frustrations that i went through were all worth it.

Frustrations -

• Transition from working to being at home - This was a very difficult time for me - i was wondering what i was doing cleaning potty and pee pee the whole day, when i could rather be designing or delivering some awesome training programs for the Godrejites. Or why i was always dressed in such unbecoming clothes or smelling of milk or pee when i could have been dressed well, smelling chanel and clicking away in my kitten heels @work feeling really good about myself doing something i knew i do well, not stumbling in new motherhood, wondering if each step was the right one. As a new mother you get way too much free advice - whereas all of it is well intentioned, it does leave you very confused and inadequate as theres way too much information, so much of it contradictory!!
• Lack of adequate sleep/rest -  D would just not sleep when he was tired but would choose to be awake and cranky instead. Many times he would cry out post his nap just as i was resting my back for the first time in the day, I did have a bad back almost constantly then and he would invariably want to potty as soon as i had started having my meal, and i would need to clean him. He would be unwell/uneasy at times and so cranky and clingy. I had to be alert at all times. I would not be able to sleep properly at all. That was just not normal for me. I am usually a reasonably deep sleeper. For a year and a half- i was just on cat-sleep, alert to D's every need.

The only explanation i can find for "How i found the strength to fulfill D's every need while i was physically & emotionally spent?" is that - its true that "A child gives birth to a mother", and God does give each mother the strength and courage to pull out energy and strength when she has none - for her child.

These experiences with D have left me a much stronger and more flexible individual.

I wont say it left me happier initially, but now i surely am much happier, and its a more deep, lasting kind of happiness. There is a great deal of contentment at having given it my all and having enjoyed every moment with him to the fullest. And the returns have begun. (but that will need a separate post). Its not just service anymore

Fun quote i read somewhere - "You cant scare me, I have children!!" ;)

2) Innocence is refreshing

I learnt from D that the world looks beautiful if you see it from an innocent eye. The amazement that children have when they see the most mundane things is so refreshing. We stop being amazed, and we start getting old!! Enjoy the Sunset, the breeze, stop and smell the flowers as they say :) I learnt to do this more and more with D.

3) Mischief/Humour dissipates the toughest situation

I learnt from D that Humour/Mischief is the best way to lighten a situation and life too. See the bright side. We often take ourselves and others too seriously. D really taught me to lighten up and see the bright side of each situation and see each moment as fresh and new.

4) Perseverance Pays

D never gives up on something. If he couldn't climb something or reach something, he would not give up, he would keep going at it, try different ways until he got to where he wanted. He was surprisingly creative with his methods too. Makes me think sometimes we lose hope too soon. Am inspired to keep the faith and keep trying.

5) Naturalness is the best

Children haven't learnt to pretend yet, so D is just always the same - with everyone.

je pan ene madyu, ena rang maa rangayee gayu - It means all those who met him, became like him, or played with him like he liked to.

Maybe we should also try this. Lets not be scared to be ourselves, people will love us for who we are. We don't need to pretend to be more intelligent, richer, good looking, competent, happy or more connected than we are. If we scratch a little below the surface of each person, we will in most likelihood find the same insecurities in other people too.

6) Don't get stuck!!

If D wants to watch TV and i say- NO, NOT NOW, he'll sulk a bit, wail a bit to see if I'll change my mind, if he sees that's not happening, he lets himself get easily distracted by some other activity/toy and has as much fun with that too!!

There are some goals in life which we mustn't give up for sure. But sometimes we hold on to the most trivial things in an argument, thinking that giving up on that point will somehow mean compromising our respect and reputation. It creates way too unnecessary negativity and disturbs our peace of mind.

D taught me to let go - life's bigger than that and there are so many more FUN things around! Don't get stuck to one thing like its your life!

7) Never-ending thirst for learning

Children are so curious, they love to learn !! They have a clean slate, and they are not clouded by prejudices and biases while learning

Thirst for learning adds a lot of depth and volume to life!! D taught me not to ignore this and keep learning and un-learning if need be(for us)

Gandhiji said - "Live like you're going to die tomorrow, Learn like you are going to live forever"

8) Dont Worry! (Dont wolly as D says it- he cant say "R")

D has an uncanny ability to anticipate all the situations where i might be worried about his safety (When he's climbing the balcony window or getting into some of his acrobatic positions, or picking the heavy water jug from the table) and before i can say anything he tells me "Mama Dont Wolly!!"

And i think that little boy reminding me not to worry is Gods way of reminding me not to!! :) :)

So let me remind you - Dont Worry!!

Do share with me if there are any lessons you have learnt from children which are not written here.

Lots of Love

Alpa

Disclaimer - the views i've expressed on motherhood are my own. Each mother goes through her own jouney, makes her own decisions and learns her own lessons. These are mine. I respect each mothers journey and decisions immensely :)