Lessons I learnt from D (my 2 yr old son)

Sri Sri says there are 2 easy ways to be happy

1) Become Mad

2) Become like a child

Becoming mad voluntarily is not very inviting, but becoming like a child is possible and in our control.

All of us do have a fair idea of what children are like, what are the qualities that they have that are so endearing, so sweet, so refreshing, BUT you don't really get the full impact of that sentence until you've lived with a child 24*7*365.

I had spent a lot of time with other people's children before i had my son, but those couple of hours/days spent together don't tell you as much as living with a child full-time.  

Today's post is going to be about the lessons i learnt from D (my son). I told you in my first post that i was going to only mention D when i was sharing something i learnt from him.  Here are some of the lessons that i learnt. They may appear simple on reading, but implementing these simple lessons can take a lifetime. :)



D at 6 months

 1) Service - Seva

The first year for the mother is just service - You cant think about yourself one bit. You do everything for your child without expecting anything in return. If you are a hands-on mom like i am, and give your best to every situation (like i shared in my last post) this is a really tough job.

When i think back at this time - i just remember nursing, and nursing some more, cleaning pee & poop, changing clothes, putting D to sleep, cooking baby food for D (After 6 months). All this took up all my time. In the remaining time i had my home to manage as well. I thought my job at Godrej (Corporate HR) was taxing, i realised managing the home full - time, with a kid(like mine) is tougher and has none of the elegance, glamour or monetary reward attached either.

I didn't get much time for myself. Just as i would think i had some free time, D would suddenly wake up, or someone would call, or i would have to return some of the "oh so many" calls, that i didn't even look at, let alone answer, cos i was doing something with Darsh - nursing, cleaning, bathing, something!!!!

It was a really hectic time, and whereas i could have made decisions of :

• Investing in a nanny for the baby or 
• Bottlefeeding instead of nursing - so anybody could do it and it would free up that much more of my time,  

I wouldn't have taken those decisions, even if i could take them again  -

The bond which i have developed with my son, the joy i have experienced, the struggle i went through being hands-on mom and doing everything in the sometimes more-or-less old fashioned and sometimes modern way, (depending on what i thought was good for D) even the frustrations that i went through were all worth it.

Frustrations -

• Transition from working to being at home - This was a very difficult time for me - i was wondering what i was doing cleaning potty and pee pee the whole day, when i could rather be designing or delivering some awesome training programs for the Godrejites. Or why i was always dressed in such unbecoming clothes or smelling of milk or pee when i could have been dressed well, smelling chanel and clicking away in my kitten heels @work feeling really good about myself doing something i knew i do well, not stumbling in new motherhood, wondering if each step was the right one. As a new mother you get way too much free advice - whereas all of it is well intentioned, it does leave you very confused and inadequate as theres way too much information, so much of it contradictory!!
• Lack of adequate sleep/rest -  D would just not sleep when he was tired but would choose to be awake and cranky instead. Many times he would cry out post his nap just as i was resting my back for the first time in the day, I did have a bad back almost constantly then and he would invariably want to potty as soon as i had started having my meal, and i would need to clean him. He would be unwell/uneasy at times and so cranky and clingy. I had to be alert at all times. I would not be able to sleep properly at all. That was just not normal for me. I am usually a reasonably deep sleeper. For a year and a half- i was just on cat-sleep, alert to D's every need.

The only explanation i can find for "How i found the strength to fulfill D's every need while i was physically & emotionally spent?" is that - its true that "A child gives birth to a mother", and God does give each mother the strength and courage to pull out energy and strength when she has none - for her child.

These experiences with D have left me a much stronger and more flexible individual.

I wont say it left me happier initially, but now i surely am much happier, and its a more deep, lasting kind of happiness. There is a great deal of contentment at having given it my all and having enjoyed every moment with him to the fullest. And the returns have begun. (but that will need a separate post). Its not just service anymore

Fun quote i read somewhere - "You cant scare me, I have children!!" ;)

2) Innocence is refreshing

I learnt from D that the world looks beautiful if you see it from an innocent eye. The amazement that children have when they see the most mundane things is so refreshing. We stop being amazed, and we start getting old!! Enjoy the Sunset, the breeze, stop and smell the flowers as they say :) I learnt to do this more and more with D.

3) Mischief/Humour dissipates the toughest situation

I learnt from D that Humour/Mischief is the best way to lighten a situation and life too. See the bright side. We often take ourselves and others too seriously. D really taught me to lighten up and see the bright side of each situation and see each moment as fresh and new.

4) Perseverance Pays

D never gives up on something. If he couldn't climb something or reach something, he would not give up, he would keep going at it, try different ways until he got to where he wanted. He was surprisingly creative with his methods too. Makes me think sometimes we lose hope too soon. Am inspired to keep the faith and keep trying.

5) Naturalness is the best

Children haven't learnt to pretend yet, so D is just always the same - with everyone.

je pan ene madyu, ena rang maa rangayee gayu - It means all those who met him, became like him, or played with him like he liked to.

Maybe we should also try this. Lets not be scared to be ourselves, people will love us for who we are. We don't need to pretend to be more intelligent, richer, good looking, competent, happy or more connected than we are. If we scratch a little below the surface of each person, we will in most likelihood find the same insecurities in other people too.

6) Don't get stuck!!

If D wants to watch TV and i say- NO, NOT NOW, he'll sulk a bit, wail a bit to see if I'll change my mind, if he sees that's not happening, he lets himself get easily distracted by some other activity/toy and has as much fun with that too!!

There are some goals in life which we mustn't give up for sure. But sometimes we hold on to the most trivial things in an argument, thinking that giving up on that point will somehow mean compromising our respect and reputation. It creates way too unnecessary negativity and disturbs our peace of mind.

D taught me to let go - life's bigger than that and there are so many more FUN things around! Don't get stuck to one thing like its your life!

7) Never-ending thirst for learning

Children are so curious, they love to learn !! They have a clean slate, and they are not clouded by prejudices and biases while learning

Thirst for learning adds a lot of depth and volume to life!! D taught me not to ignore this and keep learning and un-learning if need be(for us)

Gandhiji said - "Live like you're going to die tomorrow, Learn like you are going to live forever"

8) Dont Worry! (Dont wolly as D says it- he cant say "R")

D has an uncanny ability to anticipate all the situations where i might be worried about his safety (When he's climbing the balcony window or getting into some of his acrobatic positions, or picking the heavy water jug from the table) and before i can say anything he tells me "Mama Dont Wolly!!"

And i think that little boy reminding me not to worry is Gods way of reminding me not to!! :) :)

So let me remind you - Dont Worry!!

Do share with me if there are any lessons you have learnt from children which are not written here.

Lots of Love

Alpa

Disclaimer - the views i've expressed on motherhood are my own. Each mother goes through her own jouney, makes her own decisions and learns her own lessons. These are mine. I respect each mothers journey and decisions immensely :)

You dont know what you are really capable of!!

The first time any human being ran a mile in four minutes was a gentleman called Roger Bannister. He achieved this first in 1954. Till that time no one had been able to achieve this record.

Whats interesting is, within 2 months of Roger Bannister breaking that record, John Landy as well as Roger bannister both broke that record once again by running the distance of 1 mile in under 4 minutes.

People thought it impossible to run a run a mile in less than 4 minutes before Roger Bannister actually did it. As soon as he did it, there were others too who found inspiration and achieved it too. Having a role model sure does help.

We don't really know what we are capable of!! Our mind is way more powerful than our bodies. That's how differently abled people or people with a physical handicap do actually achieve what we think impossible.

You just must see this video about Nick Vujicic. He has no arms and no legs, but he has no worries. The smile on his face is infectious. He is a motivational speaker. He has written quite a few books now. His website is www.lifewithoutlimbs.org

To begin with you can check out this video to see him in action.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOzsjEmjjHs&feature=related
click this link in case you are unable to see the video from here.

Here's a man who doesn't have limbs, but that's not stopped him from inspiring millions, that's not taken away his smile. In fact he's learnt so much from life and his passion is to share this with others to encourage and transform them.

Makes me think what have we got to complain about? We complain about such insignificant things.

We have all our limbs, fingers and faculties and yet what do we complain about? Situations, circumstances, relationships?

Put in your best in every situation - that is the only thing in your control anyway.

Stop trying to control everything in life, including how your Boss, Subordinate, Father, Mother, Sister, Mother-in-law, Son, Daughter and Domestic staff should behave and what exactly they should say and do. (do i see you nodding your head at this one?? ;))

This one prayer has helped me a lot

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things, which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to know the difference.

So the important lesson which i have learnt in life, which i want to share with you today is

1) Do all that you do  in life with 100% effort (job, marriage, relationships et al)- you have no idea what you are capable of. More often than not you will surprise yourself by what you can achieve. Also you will notice, once you take the initial few steps, the remaining steps happen practically by themselves by some unseen force. (if you are on the right path)

2) Once you have done all that you can do - don't be attached to the result.
The best result is - the satisfaction you get when you put 100% effort. (If you've experienced this and agree - leave me a comment - spread the love :) )

Lotsa Love
Alpa

What do you bring out in others?

Read an article today by Devdutt Pattanaik in the Corporate Dossier today. Today's post is inspired by that article.

Devdutt started off by mentioning how the Sun God's wife ran away from him as she could not bear his heat and radiance. Sparked off a comparison "The story reveals how the behaviour of people around us is a reaction to how they perceive us". If they fear us, they behave in a certain way, if they trust us, they behave differently"

There's a beautiful saying -

"People may forget what you say, they may forget what you do, but they will never forget how you made them feel!"

Lets think about how YOU make people feel?

Once you've finished a conversation with someone, do they leave feeling better about themselves or worse?

Im a believer in Karma, and i do believe that a cumulation of how you have left people feeling in their interaction with you, is going to be more or less the state of your mind. (i'd like to invite comments on this statement - do share if you have something to say!) 

I read something superb -

 "Jaise Dhrishti - Vaise shrishti" (Your outlook - determines exactly how you will see the world)

Jaise dhrishti, vaise shrishti

If you are happy, people interacting with you may feel happy.

If you are content, people get that vibe from you.

If you leave people inspired its probably because you are inspired

If you are angry, people will react to you like that,
If you make people feel inadequate, its because you feel you are

If you keep blaming people/circumstances, its probably because you are not taking responsibility for your life

Take a minute and reflect on your life - you will be able to spot some patterns that keep repeating in your life.

E.g. - I realised that im misunderstood a lot. People dont understand my intention clearly or misunderstand my action - That gives me a message that i need to improve my articulation and think through a situation from all angles before i speak!)

If you have more positive cycles in your life - great!! Keep it going!! Wonderful things are going to happen for you!!

But if you find you are stuck in many negative cycles, you may want to break out of those to alter the quality of your life

how does one break the negative vicious cycles???

Sri Sri says - there should be a fine for Emotional Littering, just like there is a fine for physical littering.
People who spread negativity should be fined, as it affects the subtle environment just as physical littering spoils the physical environment

Unfortunately, very few people even bother to look into their mind. I dont blame them though. Understanding and mastering the mind is the most difficult thing in life!! Requires a huge amount of courage, effort, patience an more importantly a superb teacher/master/guru. Someone who has traveled that path and knows how to guide you, and more importantly, wants to guide you!

We must seek out such wise company and do all that we can to keep them in our lives. Then we can live a truly blessed life!!

I know I'm probably going to sound really vague to most people - but then that's the purpose of this blog

1) To find an audience in those special people who understand my random musings ;)

2) Improve my articulation for those who don't :)

if u liked it, do let me know :)

Lots of Love

Alpa

Shayri

Sharing with you a shayri that has stayed with me from my college days.


At that time i used to remember at least 50 shayris by-heart, and could keep a crowd entertained for an hour easy with jokes and shayris.


Most of those are forgotten now but this one always stayed with me. Its really beautiful.

"Ashq aakhon se bahe, par nazar muskuraee hai,
Dil ki yeh gardish na chehre pe nazar aayee hai,
Kuch is kadar waqt ne tarasha hai hamein,
Nahi andar kuch sabut hai
Na bahar seene pe koi kharoch aayee hai"

Translation - (although it doesn't do justice to the choice of words in Hindi)


Tears roll down from my eyes, as i appear to smile
My face doesn't reflect the storm raging within
The tests that time has put me through ensures that even though I'm broken inside, there's not a single scratch on the surface outside

Love
Alpa

Yogathon - a new Beginning

Today i participated in an event - Yogathon (comes from Yoga Marathon), inspired by Sri Sri. This was an all India event. On the occasion of World Health Day, to spread awareness about Yoga and inspire people to stretch their comfort zone, Art of Living, organised the Yogathon (Like a marathon). In this participants had to complete 54 sets of Surya Namaskar (108 rounds) at a stretch. If you have done even 1 set before, you will know that to complete 54 sets is no mean feat.

(The success has been outstanding. To unite a nation in such a unique way - to actually make Surya Namaskars the COOL thing to do - only Sri Sri could have done it with such finesse and class!!

You can check www.yogathon.in for more details.

The 12 steps shown in this picture make 1 round of Surya Namaskar (SN). So 54 sets is 108 rounds.

The Mumbai event was at MHADA grounds, Bandra Reclaimation. It was great, the energy was superb and everyone from a 7 year old child to a 73 year old woman to a blind man, lots of kids from the SSRVM(Sri Sri Ravi Shankar Vidya Mandir), Dharavi, 108 youth from the Y ES+ team and many other enthusiasts joyfully and easily completed 54 sets.

This event is a new beginning for me as it is preparing for this event that got me out of the laziness and lethargy that had set into my life for the past couple of years.

Post the birth of my son, i had kind of forgotten to focus adequately on myself. It was always putting the baby first, and babies take up all the time you give them. Whereas this is natural to most mothers, for some period of time post the birth of their children, I felt i had crossed my time to make excuses. For whatever reasons, I was just not able to get the Exercise & Gym cycle set, between kiddo's school, some major domestic help issues, my own mind condition etc. (Anyway i am not comfortable leaving my son alone with a maid at home, so they had to tag along to gym), it was just not happening!

Just then news of the Yogathon came. I was telling our Yoga teacher, Parinda about it, thinking surely she would be able to accomplish this feat and also in case any of her other students would be interested. She was sharing an inspiring story with us that day, and i cant recollect now how the conversation progressed, I just vaguely remember Parinda telling me - "You take it up and i will match how many ever sets you do!!" And i realised that there was about 54 days left for the Yogathon and the sheer mathematics fit so beautifully, i decided that i would take up the challenge and increase my practice of Surya Namaskar by 1 set everyday, and i would be ready for Yogathon by 7th April. At that time my husband and Parinda both thought it wise to encourage me, they must have thought even if i manage 25-30, still good enough!!

The interesting part is that once i had made this decision, my usual excuses of no domestic help, son being unwell, etc didn't look big enough problems anymore. Why??

1) Surya Namaskar is a really fuss-free exercise - No need to leave the house (like in case of other exercises like Jogging, Gym etc). No need for any equipment, No complicated routines. Just 12 beautiful steps to be repeated, exercising all parts of the body! (And the skin glows !!:))

2) Its not very time consuming - You can actually do 55 sets in 35 minutes. I've done it!!

3) My mind was committed to it. This is the tricky part in this - to be committed against all odds. My son did go through a couple of bouts of ill-health in that duration and my domestic help issue was not sorted. (you have to know my son to realise that domestic help not in place is a huge setback!) but i still managed to do my SNs quite regularly (even if it meant riding horsey to my son in mountain pose).

Once i started, i was hooked. It was so energising and i felt so good! Parinda was a great support and kept encouraging me on !! i started doing my SNs with her on weekends, and she observed me and gave me some very useful tips to sustain my strength and stamina longer.

So i had actually done 54 sets 15 days before yogathon itself. Then i actually de-gressed from there for a while as an obstacle came my way - my son came down with Chicken pox, 12 days before Yogathon, and was so clingy it was difficult for me to even pee without him crying for me.

So few days i didn't do any SNs- but as soon as he got better, 3 days before the event, as soon as he slept off i did 55 sets in 35 minutes!! (I had just decided i had to do 54 that day if i had to do it @Yogathon!)

And now 54 sets - which was once a formidable number, seems easy!

In the journey of getting to 54 sets - I learnt

1) The mind is way more powerful than the body.

2) The breath is a very powerful tool linking the mind and body. Use wisely

3) Talk Less - DO more!!

I'll tell you a secret - i just LOVE being a part of the club which is special - I've really enjoyed friends and family telling me they are inspired - and they wish they can do it too!!

I LOVE that i pushed my body and mind to achieve what i thought impossible at some time in life!



Thats Parinda, me and parnida's friend, kamala after completing the Yogathon challenge! It was a great HIGH!! :)

Its great to actually have done something which many people have not done and dream to accomplish some day!!

Stretch Beyond your comfort zone - THAT'S WHERE THE MAGIC HAPPENS :) :)

Love

Alpa

The Purpose of Life is a Life with purpose!

If i had to broadly classify my life so far - There are 3 major milestones

1) Life before Sri Sri - Life after Sri Sri

2) Life before marriage - Life after marriage

3) Life before son - Life after son

Today's post is just - Life after Sri Sri

My COOL Guru - thats how he guides me in life - from the front seat :)

I was cruising along life quite beautifully even before i met Sri Sri. (in hindsight i know because he was always there watching over me)

I must have surely had some really spiritual karma, because even before i did the Art of Living course (which i did as soon as i turned 21), i had by some by some very well planned conspiracy, already completed doing the following spiritual programs

1) The Chinmaya mission Youth camp

2) The Vipassana course @Igatpuri (10 days of silence and 10 hours of meditation each day! Quite intense i must say - superb all the same)

3) The Rajyoga shibir by Brahmakumari @ Mount Abu

4) Exposed to lots of Yoga and meditation by my aunt

5) Was born into a highly religious/spiritual family. BIG elaborate poojas and yagyas were part of life and almost each person had their own separate spiritual Guru. So we had a really huge Mandir(temple) at home where all Gods, Goddesses and Guru's rested together in peace and harmony. At that time i didn't realize the value of this exposure, but as i grew up i realised that this superb religious family with great acceptance of all Gods and Gurus actually laid the foundation for my spiritual belief - realising that the Infinite natural intelligence is the same. All Gods, Goddesses and Beings are just a manifestation of this same energy.

Completing so many spiritual programs, surely didnt make me feel very COOL with my friends then, but i am really happy now, as it gave me lifetimes of experiences in one short lifetime.

I resisted for a long time before i gave in to my dear cousins', Sona & Dimpy's insistence on doing the Art of Living Part I Course. The part I course was an eye-opener for sure, but what got me hooked for life was the Part 2 course or the Advance Meditation Course, as it was called then.

A series of miraculous incidents happened from the minute i arrived @Pune in a scenic lovely sports hostel. The course itself connected me to Guruji in a way that only a disciple/devotee can understand. I knew i had come home.

Of course my first meeting with Gurudev had some beautiful moments that just cemented the bond for lifetimes!! (Fevicol ka jod to phir bhi tut jaata hai - Guruji ka jod kabhi nahi toota!! :))

From then on life took on meaning. It became so magical, beautiful. Not so much changed in the outside environment. The change took place in the INSIDE environment - and that changed everything!!

That's when i understood that the purpose of life is to live a life of purpose!!

Life had found a beautiful purpose - to spread Gurudev's knowledge to as many beings as i possible could!!

All of my family and friends and enemies (if any) were cajoled, convinced, threatened, bullied into doing the course (Each one blessed me for it later).

That connection with Gurudev has sustained me and helped me sail through the highs and lows of life so smoothly :) That anchor of knowledge and devotion which i have in Gurudev has never ever failed me till now.

Slowly as i pursued my Spiritual path which besides lot of introspection and experiences, included Lots of Advance courses and any other course offered by AOL, organising courses, intro talks, or just about any Seva project, spending more and more time with Gurudev and many other Senior Teachers at the ashram @Bangalore, Teachers Training course Part 1 & 2, and being certified an Art of Living teacher, I explored my mind, my fears, my insecurities, my perception, my attitude - and OH! It has been such a beautiful revelation.

I'm hoping i can articulate some of these life-changing lessons for you. Though there is no substitute to actually experiencing this yourself - sometimes reading about someone else's experiences shortens our own learning curve.

Keep Reading

Love

Alpa

Introduction

Hello!

Im Alpa,  a woman, a wife, a mother, an HR professional, an Art of Living Teacher and volunteer, and blessed to have a spiritual master, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar ji whom i just adore and who loves me and looks out for me at each step in this journey called life!!

I took a long time to start blogging, because i didnt know what i would write about. Finally got some answers !!

1) I am going to share with you all, lifes little secrets and lessons - that I've learnt along the way, sometimes through my mistakes, sometimes by observing others. I've realised that although these small lessons are sometimes disguised as trivial, they play a BIG role in altering the quality of your life.

2) Interesting incidents in life

3) Some exceptionally good articles/reads

4) Experiences with my master - Sri Sri

5) I've made a decision that im not going to rave about my son (its so easy for mothers to fall into that trap). I will mention him when i've learned something in relation to him.

Being more an impulsive than planned person, my blogs probably are going to have that quality too :) So keep reading because you may never know when you are going to hit jackpot!

Lots of Love,

Alpa